Godzilla 1998

Fell back on one of my favorite movies as a kid from the 90's. I used to think this movie was so awesome. It was one of those I got (on VHS mind you) and watched every day of the summer as a kid.

"Godzilla" was awesome and I thought it was the best special effects I had ever seen. The movie took great pride in the amount of time and the collaborative effort in special effects for this movie and in 1998 they were pretty good.

In 1998, they were pretty good. Now, holy crap, they are awful. This movie does not even come close to standing the test of time, which can be said about a lot of high-budget special effects movies. Fifteen years from now, I think I will prefer showing my kids "Jurassic Park" simply because it was better made and included a more profound and realistic look at dinosaurs.

Apart from the special effects looking criminal now, "Godzilla" contains some of the worst acting, directing and story development of all time. Sure, it was a good idea to make an American remake of the Japanese classic, but good Lord, couldn't we have done a better job?

It makes American cinema look like a kid trying to dunk on Shaq. It is pathetic. I cannot for the life of me figure out director Roland Emmerich. Somehow this guy made classics such as "Independence Day" and "Patriot." But for every good movie, he has three bad ones. Emmerich's slate includes "The Day After Tomorrow," "Eight Legged Freaks" and yet another disappointment "10,000 B.C."

This guy just straight up cares very little for the quality of his film. He stresses too much on his special effects and puts forth little effort in the plot or storyline. "Godzilla" is no exception.

The creature was a result of nuclear testing in the French Polynesian islands, which, OK, the story is somewhat reasonable so far. After attacking ships in the Pacific, Gojira ends up at New York for some unexplained reason. They later showed his path from the island to NYC and apparently he travelled through the Panama Canal then up the east coast. He never attacked anything between the Pacific and NYC. This was a "simple" detail that the filmmakers decided not to explain.

The military unloads countless amounts of explosives on the creature destroying half of New York and never manage to inflict any damages on the creature. The smartest guy that the military talks to is the "worm guy" who is forced to make common sense calls that some babies couldn't think of.

Matthew Broderick is a nerd and loser who specializes in conducting experiments on worms that were affected by the nuclear testing. He is Dr. Nick Tatapolous and he is the only hope. That is so sad and I would never want a guy like this to be the last resort to save mankind. What a joke. Hank Azaria cannot even save the cast as the “Animal” WIDF cameraman who takes Broderick’s ex-girlfriend into the tunnels to get the exclusive story. I don’t know who that girl is or care to be honest.

Jean Reno is the French secret service agent sent to America to save the world from the bad things the French had done. So, why not litter the movie with poor foreign jokes. “Godzilla” is chalked full of poor, ill-scripted jokes about coffee, America and France. I did not quite understand the need for so many dadgum coffee jokes. What is the deal here?

OK, so Jean Reno and Matthew Broderick save the world and no one ever knows of the French involvement in the bringing down of the monster. The dimwitted American military attributes their successes on Tatapolous and looks no deeper into the situation. Long live stupidity.

The final scene where they actually kill the monster (rather than assume he is dead, which they did like eight times) was ridiculous (not to mention the previous 30 seconds where they destroyed Madison Square Garden). Godzilla gets trapped on the Brooklyn Bridge and is shot 48 times by F-18’s.

The one perk from this movie has to be the soundtrack, which is awesome and which at one point I did own. The lead track is a Puff Daddy “Come With Me” remix of the good ole’ Zeppelin “Kashmir.” Whoever thought of meshing P. Diddy with Zeppelin is a genius. Haha. The soundtrack also featured a Rage Against the Machine original titled “No Shelter.” Rounding out the movie was a David Bowie remake of “Heroes” performed by The Wallflowers.

The soundtrack was the best thing about this sad movie. The idea was good, but the story was atrocious. I have yet to see a poorly developed movie from a decent idea. Emmerich is a fool. The movie did have serious potential and at one point was connected with Tim Burton. My, what could have been. The project was in works for about six years and the end result was lackluster. I don’t know of which I am more ashamed, the fact that I enjoyed this movie as a kid or the fact that it exists at all.

The production of the movie was so massive, yet it only broke even. Was slated to have two sequels, but the reception of the movie was so negative they decided to not continue the series.

I will leave you with these useless facts:

Enough lumber was used for the sets to build 50 homes.

Over 1,000 4'x8'x16' Styrofoam blocks were used to build portions of the sets, including the subway tunnels.

35 tons of steel were used to build the sets.

Over 1,000 soft architectural pieces were created for falling debris.

There was enough paint used on the film to paint the entire Golden Gate Bridge.

2.4 million gallons (~321,000 cubic feet), of water was used to create rain for the film.

2,000 foam fish were made to create the fish pile.

Enough non-toxic smoke was created on the film to completely fill the Los Angeles Coliseum 24 hours a day for one week.

There were a total of 16 different cabs used to create the entire cab sequence.

20 car thumpers were built to lift cars on the street as Godzilla walked.

O and it rained the entire movie nonstop.