Sorority Boys

According to IMDB.com, Sorority Boys lies in the bottom percentile with an average user rating of 4.9. Haha, that is pretty pathetic.

I, however, beg to differ. Sorority Boys is one of those movies that goes unnoticed and quickly shoved under the couch. People could argue that this movie is entirely profane (it is) and unworthy of watching. All this is true (it is a nasty movie), but it pales in comparison to today's Apatow comedies (which suck).

This is quality comedy at its best. OK, maybe crappy comedy at its worst. Same thing, right. Here is what I love about this movie: Harland Williams. He is hilarious and no one knows who he is.

Williams was the biker cop with "killer boots" in Dumb and Dumber. And he was also Rocketman, which stands as one of the funniest slapsticks of the modern era (and you can quote me on that).

He character, Doofer, is a bumbling, drunk fool who provides raucous laughter throughout.

The second best part of the movie is the violent attack between the two frat brothers as they engage in a romantic relationship (one is a guy dressed as a girl).

O yeah, plot outline. Three guys get kicked out of their frat for stealing the frat's money (they didn't). With the tempting offer of free room and board at the laughed at, ugly sorority, the boys decide to cross dress until they can prove their innocence.

The movie runs into a major problem about halfway through, it tries to be a real movie. Instead of maintaining goofy comedy, it turns dramatic and tries way to hard to teach valuable life lessons.

Let's just say this part failed. I did not learn anything from watching this movie and in fact, I am probably dumber from having watched it.

O well, it was worth a watch for those fleeting moments of hilarity and ridiculousness. Doofer might be my favorite frat character ever however few and far between his glory shines.

By the way, I'm pretty sure this movie ruined the careers of every actor involved.

I do not recommend this one to the weak as it is profoundly disgusting, but if you would like to be dumbed down for awhile watch it. But turn it off after the first half hour or so because nothing happens for the rest of the movie. The end is actually pretty boring and unfulfilling.

5.2 of 10 (for doofer)

3's and 8's

Why is the world run by such morons? Well, maybe the gas station attendants don't run the world, but you know what I mean. Why is everyone such a fool?

I have begun to realize why the people that work at gas stations do, in fact, work at gas stations. I'm speaking on pure generalizations and yes, I am stereotyping the worker at such establishments.

But come on, how dumb must you be to put the 3's and the 8's upside down.

Rereading that sentence makes me sound like a fool. Who notices a three or eight upside down? If they were backwards, that would be an obvious problem. But I didn't even notice a difference between the top circle and the bottom circle.

You may not have noticed, but I did and that's the only thing that matters. It is just a simple little thing that can easily be fixed by flipping the number the right side up on the gas sign.

It has become an increasing problem in today's world as gas prices have soared into the three dollar range. Half the stations in town have this problem. The put the three's and eight's upside down just to make me angry.

I almost yelled at a worker who was changing the sign when I drove by the other day. Use your brain and flip the sign so that the fatter circle of half circle is at the bottom.

What does it take to fix this problem? I suggest an IQ test with questions about symmetry of numbers. Either that or burn down those gas stations.

Yes, that's all.

*Note the first two three's compared to the third.

Burn It Down

My latest pet peeve lies with the bless-ed computer labs on campus here at Oklahoma State in Stillwater. This past week has been a struggle that has led me to burn down one of the buildings on campus.

These things are so ridiculous, I can hardly see straight. I tried the Kerr-Drummond Lab (the closest computer lab to my room) and was met with disappointment. More than half of the computers do not work. They are stuck on the loading screen and apparently the university cares too little to try to fix them.

Eight of the 40 computers were taken, so I had to go elsewhere to complete my assignment that requires a special program (yeah, I'm getting screwed twice). The university screws me over by giving me assignments that can only be completed on their systems and then their computers are more ghetto than the projects (I'm not even going to get into the massive problem of "entire-campus-wireless-internet" OSU claims).

So, I had to find another lab where I could do my stupid Astronomy lab project. I went to the lab in the Math Science building. It is a catastrophe before I even get into the lab. The lab has four doors, but get this, only one of them works. What is that? How does a door not work? And why the freak haven't they fixed it? It is a simple swinging door that should require little maintenance, but OSU couldn't care less.

I manage to get into the godforsaken place to search for a working computer. I find one and decide, "Hey, why not time how long it takes to log on to this stupid thing."

Here we go:
Type in my name and password to log on - 3 minutes later the computer has finally booted and logged me on.
Now, give it another minute to load the shotty anti-virus program.
Double click Internet Explorer - 3o seconds later the browser pops up
Give it another 30 seconds to load and now I'm ready.

We're talking about five minutes just to get on to the Internet. These things are such pieces of crap. They are Dell computers from 1998 that barely load XP without frying.

Also, the inconvenience of typing my name and password for everything I have to print is greatly annoying.

The problem isn't just with a couple labs, it is the majority of the campus. I have found one lab I can handle and that is the lab I'm in right now. The Mac Lab in the JB building is cooperative and quick and I much prefer it over anywhere else on campus.

Thank you for being so "convenient" OSU with your little computer labs to "benefit" the students. "We have strategically placed computer labs throughout the campus for students to use with convenient printers all available free of charge."

Haha, that is ridiculous.

You would think with as much as I pay for this crap, it would be decent. They can't even manage to make a door open and close. I even pay a "Technology Fee." What is that for? Where does that go? To the little guy in the orange vest who sits there and does his homework. What a piece of junk.

Get it together, people.

Minority Report

2002's "Minority Report" is one of Steven Spielberg's darker action flicks. The film was "bleech-bypassed" during post production to give it a dark feel that made the movie look almost black and white. It is considered very unique and paints a bleak view of the future.

The colors in the movie are very desaturated which gives it a dark bluish tint that resonates throughout the movie. The futuristic world created by Spielberg is an example of a mix of utopia and dystopia.

The year is 2054 and Tom Cruise is Pre-Crime agent John Anderton, who arrests people of murders before they are committed thanks to the three "pre-cogs" (kids of drug abusers, who are "blessed" with visions of murder in the future).

The world created in 2054 is high-tech, but not too preposterous. People still live as they do only with more technology. They do not drastically change their lifestyles as we see a lot in sci-fi movies.

The Pre-Crime division has eliminated murder in Washington D.C. in it's six years of service. The division is on the brink of going national and is therefore scrutinized by Department of Justice agent Danny Witwer (Colin Farrell).

Anderton is soon accused of murder three days into the future. He must go on the run and figure out how to clear his name. He does not even know the man he is supposed to kill.

The movie raises interesting questions about predetermination and destiny. If he had not been accused of murder, would he have actually committed it? The likelihood is that he wouldn't considering he did not know the guy.

The question is that of free will. Do we have a choice to change our "destiny?" Simply accusing Anderton leads him into a situation where he is forced to choice whether to murder this man (a very emotional choice at that).

All those that Anderton arrested did not actually do anything, yet they have been arrested. Could the pre-cogs be wrong or tampered with?

This movie ponders many questions and leaves you wondering in the end about free will and how we can alter the future by decisions we make. I love futuristic movies that ponder questions of reality, so this is right down my ally.

As for the content of the movie, it is loaded with action and futuristic violence involving jet packs and a freakin' awesome shock wave gun (coolest part of the movie). The technology is stunning and believable for what is nearly 50 years away.

I did not like the score created for this movie. It felt like a lot of the music did not apply or fit too well. It was done by the legend John Williams, but it simply did not add much to the film. The music was too opera-ish. It should have been the music of a classic film set in 1700's England. I was not pleased with this and felt like the movie would have been that much better with an average action movie score.

Another problem I have with this movie was the 30 minute lull at the end. This seems to be a common thing with Spielberg's latest movies (cough, cough "Munich" - that thing lasted forever). I thought the movie could have ended about five minutes after Anderton's confrontation with the guy he was to murder. Speilberg could have shortened this ending because in 30 minutes we don't learn that much.

It could have been squeezed into five minutes. The movie seems to take a boring turn at this point and fails to answer any questions we hadn't figured out already. Other than that and the music, I would say this is one of my favorite Spielberg movies, especially in recent years.

The action and futuristic world are spot on and Cruise is great as always. Throughout the movie, I tried to gather an evaluation on Farrell, but I still can't pinpoint it. I was looking for something to make him not live up to his negative reputation. I don't know. I still can't figure out if he is that great of an actor. Hard to tell in this one.

"Everybody runs."

4 of 5 stars

Goldmember

“How bout no, you crazy Dutch bastard.” This is hands down my favorite line from the 2002 comedy “Goldmember.”

The third installment of the Austin Powers trilogy was a triumphant end to a series that so completely defines my sense of humor. Sometimes I wish the series would have continued, but after watching “Goldmember” again I’m glad that it’s over.

“Goldmember” seems to emphasize the same jokes as the first series yet with weaker delivery. The jokes seem tireless and never-ending. The plot is crap, but that’s typical for a comedy movie.

The humor is still dimwitted and riotous, but it just lacks the certain humph from the previous two movies. The addition of the new character, Goldmember, saves the movie. Had it not been for him (played of course by Mike Myers) or Nigel Powers (hahaha, Michael Caine is so awesome), this movie would have been awful and albeit unbearable.

The thing that stands out most about this movie compared with the first two is Austin’s character. He does not have the same charisma or “mojo” should I say. It lacks his shallow relationship with women. Also, what’s the deal with Beyonce as the girl? That doesn’t work, she is no Bond girl. I guess it is a play on Halle Berry from “Die Another Day.”

Also, I noticed, more in this movie than the others, pointless scenes that add nothing to the plot. They are just there for laughs, but they really do nothing for the movie. It just seems like random little segments that were funny but improvised and eventually included.

This is obvious in the scenes in the submarine. There is one point when Dr. Evil was standing at the front of the ship dancing to “Beyond the Sea.” WTF. Where did that come from? Anyway, it was still hilarious.

I would much rather watch a comedy like this than the crap they pass off as comedy these days (which includes anything Seth Rogen or Jud Apatow touches). This is so much more humorous and drastically less vulgar.

Mike Myers is a comedic genius, but he is just not in enough. I would like to see him in a preposterous comedy a year. His next one, “The Love Guru,” appears to be a fourth Austin Powers in that he plays more than likely the same exact character (maybe just a combination of Dr. Evil, Goldmember, Fat Bastard and Austin Powers – which would be awesome). I’m not too optimistic though.

So with the end of Austin Powers comes the dawn of shotty, vulgar comedy that has no place being in the real world. I miss movies like this one even though the humor is at times tired and recycled.

But to continue the series would have been overkill and would have left a bad rap on the whole shebang. It just would not have worked with Scott as the evil guy taking over the world. It was a sweet ending.
I will throw it 4 out of 5 stars because of Mike Myers’ relentless humor and because of the extreme randomness and absurdity of the scene in which Dr. Evil (in a trucker hat) walkie talkies Goldmember trucker-style.

“Whew, son of a bitch, pile of monkey nuts!”

Godzilla 1998

Fell back on one of my favorite movies as a kid from the 90's. I used to think this movie was so awesome. It was one of those I got (on VHS mind you) and watched every day of the summer as a kid.

"Godzilla" was awesome and I thought it was the best special effects I had ever seen. The movie took great pride in the amount of time and the collaborative effort in special effects for this movie and in 1998 they were pretty good.

In 1998, they were pretty good. Now, holy crap, they are awful. This movie does not even come close to standing the test of time, which can be said about a lot of high-budget special effects movies. Fifteen years from now, I think I will prefer showing my kids "Jurassic Park" simply because it was better made and included a more profound and realistic look at dinosaurs.

Apart from the special effects looking criminal now, "Godzilla" contains some of the worst acting, directing and story development of all time. Sure, it was a good idea to make an American remake of the Japanese classic, but good Lord, couldn't we have done a better job?

It makes American cinema look like a kid trying to dunk on Shaq. It is pathetic. I cannot for the life of me figure out director Roland Emmerich. Somehow this guy made classics such as "Independence Day" and "Patriot." But for every good movie, he has three bad ones. Emmerich's slate includes "The Day After Tomorrow," "Eight Legged Freaks" and yet another disappointment "10,000 B.C."

This guy just straight up cares very little for the quality of his film. He stresses too much on his special effects and puts forth little effort in the plot or storyline. "Godzilla" is no exception.

The creature was a result of nuclear testing in the French Polynesian islands, which, OK, the story is somewhat reasonable so far. After attacking ships in the Pacific, Gojira ends up at New York for some unexplained reason. They later showed his path from the island to NYC and apparently he travelled through the Panama Canal then up the east coast. He never attacked anything between the Pacific and NYC. This was a "simple" detail that the filmmakers decided not to explain.

The military unloads countless amounts of explosives on the creature destroying half of New York and never manage to inflict any damages on the creature. The smartest guy that the military talks to is the "worm guy" who is forced to make common sense calls that some babies couldn't think of.

Matthew Broderick is a nerd and loser who specializes in conducting experiments on worms that were affected by the nuclear testing. He is Dr. Nick Tatapolous and he is the only hope. That is so sad and I would never want a guy like this to be the last resort to save mankind. What a joke. Hank Azaria cannot even save the cast as the “Animal” WIDF cameraman who takes Broderick’s ex-girlfriend into the tunnels to get the exclusive story. I don’t know who that girl is or care to be honest.

Jean Reno is the French secret service agent sent to America to save the world from the bad things the French had done. So, why not litter the movie with poor foreign jokes. “Godzilla” is chalked full of poor, ill-scripted jokes about coffee, America and France. I did not quite understand the need for so many dadgum coffee jokes. What is the deal here?

OK, so Jean Reno and Matthew Broderick save the world and no one ever knows of the French involvement in the bringing down of the monster. The dimwitted American military attributes their successes on Tatapolous and looks no deeper into the situation. Long live stupidity.

The final scene where they actually kill the monster (rather than assume he is dead, which they did like eight times) was ridiculous (not to mention the previous 30 seconds where they destroyed Madison Square Garden). Godzilla gets trapped on the Brooklyn Bridge and is shot 48 times by F-18’s.

The one perk from this movie has to be the soundtrack, which is awesome and which at one point I did own. The lead track is a Puff Daddy “Come With Me” remix of the good ole’ Zeppelin “Kashmir.” Whoever thought of meshing P. Diddy with Zeppelin is a genius. Haha. The soundtrack also featured a Rage Against the Machine original titled “No Shelter.” Rounding out the movie was a David Bowie remake of “Heroes” performed by The Wallflowers.

The soundtrack was the best thing about this sad movie. The idea was good, but the story was atrocious. I have yet to see a poorly developed movie from a decent idea. Emmerich is a fool. The movie did have serious potential and at one point was connected with Tim Burton. My, what could have been. The project was in works for about six years and the end result was lackluster. I don’t know of which I am more ashamed, the fact that I enjoyed this movie as a kid or the fact that it exists at all.

The production of the movie was so massive, yet it only broke even. Was slated to have two sequels, but the reception of the movie was so negative they decided to not continue the series.

I will leave you with these useless facts:

Enough lumber was used for the sets to build 50 homes.

Over 1,000 4'x8'x16' Styrofoam blocks were used to build portions of the sets, including the subway tunnels.

35 tons of steel were used to build the sets.

Over 1,000 soft architectural pieces were created for falling debris.

There was enough paint used on the film to paint the entire Golden Gate Bridge.

2.4 million gallons (~321,000 cubic feet), of water was used to create rain for the film.

2,000 foam fish were made to create the fish pile.

Enough non-toxic smoke was created on the film to completely fill the Los Angeles Coliseum 24 hours a day for one week.

There were a total of 16 different cabs used to create the entire cab sequence.

20 car thumpers were built to lift cars on the street as Godzilla walked.

O and it rained the entire movie nonstop.

We Destroyed the World

Popped in "Syriana" last night for the first time. I'm glad I finally did because I have heard so much about this movie for the last couple of years. I just never sat down and watched it.

This movie was tremendous and deserves to be thrown in the same league as "Crash" and "Babel." I think it wasn't because it is somewhat boring and slow. The story doesn't move very quickly, but the message is powerful and the final emotion is beautifully done.

I tend to think that this movie is not too far from the truth. The movie doesn't delve into the reason for being at war in a country far away, but it does tell of the government's role in securing oil for the United States.

The lies from the White House about finding weapons of mass destruction are just that: lies. As a former oil man from Texas (wow, I finally see it), our President clearly has an ulterior motive for our continued presence in the middle east.

It is not about securing the freedoms of the Iraqi people or whatever we call it. It is about obtaining their oil and siding with Saudi royalty in order to get that.

This movie addresses this problem very well. In the movie, the CIA assassinates the one man that could save Iran and bring the country out of turmoil instead of letting outside agencies come in and steal their oil with high priced buyouts.

The CIA is protecting an oil company's agenda to win over the newly appointed king so they can get the most untapped oil region in the world. The former dying king gives his blessing to the wrong son - the son that will not save the country but ruin it. The CIA then kills the other brother who could have fixed the problems all because they want American oil men to get rich.

Of course, this is not a true story, but it very well could be happening there right now. The point of this movie is to show that the greedy oil men in this country are destroying foreign nations to earn a buck. It is a look at the corrupt business practices that exist today in our oil market.

Who is right here? The CIA and the oil companies or those that actually live in those countries. The man they murdered was an intelligent, highly-educated prince who knew exactly how to fix his country but because of outside influence was unable to do so (oil dicks poisoned his father's mind).

Why do we so desperately try to run other countries when we have enough to deal with at home? Why are we, as a country, so fixed on making money that we don't care how many wars we start, how many lives we ruin or how many countries are destroyed? Our foreign policy needs to be significantly reevaluated. We need to leave other countries the hell alone and worry about our own affairs. If we desperately need oil, spend the extra buck and drill Alaska.

I am disappointed in our foreign affairs. The excuse is always that we are trying to help people. Our intentions are not even right because that is not even the real reason we are there. This country could care less what happens to the locals as long as we get our money. The people in charge of these countries can run it as they wish. They don't need our "help."

Thank you "Syriana" for exposing the truth.